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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Ewwww

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What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?

A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

Who Likes Bananas?

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I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.

Gonna need about 20 minutes

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What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?

Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.

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No Advice Needed

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Better Than Lifting Weights

My wife and I love to work out. This morning at the gym we had a discussion. She asked me: "What do you think is the most active muscle in a woman?"

I told her: "My dick."

And that's when the fight started...

Password Must Be At Least 8 Characters Long

A man and his wife are setting up the password on their new computer. The man trying to be clever types in "MyPenis", the computer denies it.

His wife says, "I told you it wasn't long enough!"

And that's when the fight started...