Who Likes Bananas?

I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.

You know why you should never drink diet soda during oral sex?

Because that way you'll have two after-tastes to get rid of.

Wife to her husband in frustration: "Get the fuck out." Then, as he's leaving, she adds, "I hope you die a slow painful death."

He turns back to her and says, "So now you want me to stay?"

And that's when the REAL fight started...

What do the aborigine call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.