Who Likes Bananas?

I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.

What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"

She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."