I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.
Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.
What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Why is a woman like a car?
On a cold morning when you need it the most, she won't turn over.
The bell rings at a whorehouse.
The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"
He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"