Gonna need about 20 minutes

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?

Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.

Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a freezer?

The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?

He's probably home watching football or something.

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.