What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!
Wife asks her spouse: "What are you doing?" Her husband says: "Nothing." So she presses him: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for the last hour."
He tells her: "Well... yeah... I was looking for the expiration date."
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.