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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

A Golden Combination

Hits: 2750

What's the best thing about a blow job?

Ten minutes of silence!

Depends on How You Like It

Hits: 2942

What's the difference between medium and rare?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Are Those Brand New Hardwood Floors?

Hits: 3155

How are women like hardwood floors?

You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

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They Don't Teach This In School

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

In This Corner

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

Roll Call

Every morning the teacher took roll call by having her students stand up and recite a short poem. The first to go sat in the front row and was the teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan. When I grow up to be a man, I want to go to Japan... if I can, and I think I can."

Next up was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood and answered roll call by reciting, "My name is Suzy. When I become a lady, I would like to have a baby... if I can, and I think I can."

Finally it was Little Johnny's turn, a wise guy who sat way in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a crap about Japan. But I'd sure like to help Suzy with her plan... if I can, and you bet your sweet ass I can!"