Dick Jokes
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Preparing the body of old man Johnson, a mortician finds the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry" he says out loud, "But I can't send you off to be cremated and lose forever such a rare and enormous dick like yours. It has to be preserved for posterity."
So the mortician carefully removes the giant organ, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he's excited to show the rare sight to his wife. "Look here honey, I have something to show you that will shock you." he tells her as he removes the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" the wife screams, "Johnson's dead!"
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How do you know if your wife's dead?
You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.
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Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"
Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"