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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Shocked For The Wrong Reason

Created: 01 August 2017
Hits: 2635

Preparing the body of old man Johnson, a mortician finds the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry" he says out loud, "But I can't send you off to be cremated and lose forever such a rare and enormous dick like yours. It has to be preserved for posterity."

So the mortician carefully removes the giant organ, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he's excited to show the rare sight to his wife. "Look here honey, I have something to show you that will shock you." he tells her as he removes the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screams, "Johnson's dead!"

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Created: 28 July 2017
Hits: 2855

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Created: 26 July 2017
Hits: 2995

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Tell Me A Story

Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I'm elected.'"

Depends On What You Call It

Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

One Too Many

A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."

The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."

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