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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Shocked For The Wrong Reason

Created: 01 August 2017
Hits: 2682

Preparing the body of old man Johnson, a mortician finds the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry" he says out loud, "But I can't send you off to be cremated and lose forever such a rare and enormous dick like yours. It has to be preserved for posterity."

So the mortician carefully removes the giant organ, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he's excited to show the rare sight to his wife. "Look here honey, I have something to show you that will shock you." he tells her as he removes the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screams, "Johnson's dead!"

More Reliable Than A Pulse

Created: 28 July 2017
Hits: 2909

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Ten Items or Less

Created: 26 July 2017
Hits: 3043

Gal to cashier: "I'm in a hurry, can you please check me out?"

Clerk looks her up & down: "Nice tits, babe!"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

The Down Under

How's an old lady's twat like Australia?

Everybody knows it's down there but nobody really gives a shit.

There's No Substitute

I hate it when a girl tries to offer me a lame consolation prize. 'Cause girls will say things like: "Oh, we're not going to have sex, but I'll give you a hand job."

Hey! Newsflash: I have hands... they have the job... the position is filled... I don't need to outsource the work... alright? If you got a pussy for the job, we can talk -- 'cause I am always hiring.

Growing Up

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts.

(Oh yeah, I'll be here all night...)

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