Facts Of Life

Little Johnny: "Where do babies come from?"

Mother: "The stork brings them."

Johnny: "Who fucks the stork?"

When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."

When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"

And that's when the fight started...

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?

A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

What do you call a guy who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you the flavor?

A smartass!