A 40-year old woman never married because she only wanted a man who had never been with a woman sexually. And as you might imagine she searched for years but never could find one. So she finally tried one of those International dating sites and sure enough met a man who had lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. After a long-distance online courtship, they finally decided to marry.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare herself for the long awaited moment. When she walks back into the bedroom she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, totally naked, and he has all the furniture piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks.
"I’ve never been with a woman," he tells her. "But if it’s anything like fucking a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!"
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says no, this is a bar not a grocery store." and sends him out.
The next day, the duck returns and again asks, "Got any grapes?" This time the bartender gets real mad and says. "I told you yesterday no grapes. And you're a duck. We don't even serve ducks here. You come in here and bother me one more time and I'll nail your fuckin' web feet to the floor." And with that he throws him out again.
The next day, the duck returns only this time he asks "Got any nails?" Confused, the bartender says "No."
