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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

The Doctor Has News For You!

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Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."

The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"

The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"

The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."

Not So Bon Vivant

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What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?

Slow.

Divide and Conquer

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1/3 of women not interested in sex. Me too. The 1/3 from the neck up...meh. From the tits down? I'm in.

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A Lesson Learned

A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"

"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.

"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."

Sounds Like My Ex-Wife

What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?

She just kinda lays there.

Leaky Pipes

Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."

The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"

"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."