What's the best part of gardening?
Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
A little boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"
So his father takes him up to the bedroom where mom is sleeping. "Look at this," he says as he lifts the covers carefully. "That's a pussy son."
"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"No!" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
