What's the best part of gardening?
Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.
Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.
What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A seat belt.
My wife and I love to work out. This morning at the gym we had a discussion. She asked me: "What do you think is the most active muscle in a woman?"
I told her: "My dick."
And that's when the fight started...
