What's the best part of gardening?
Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
I thought I would kid my wife a little, so I said: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, it's too long."
She shot back: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
And that's when the fight started...
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."
"So... what's the problem?"
"I don't get up until 9."
