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That's Gratitude

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I spent 5 thousand bucks on a boob job for the wife and she was thrilled. So I go another 2 grand on her nose job and she's ecstatic.

But I spend 50 bucks on a blow job and she goes ballistic. Fucking women.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Let's Just Pretend

A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"

And that's when the fight started...

Another Perspective On Marriage

I razzed my wife: "I shoulda never got married. Why buy the whole cow when I was gettin' the milk for free?"

She snapped back: "Yeah? Well I got stuck with the whole pig for just one little sausage."

And that's when the fight started...

From Father To Son

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. The boy asks: "Dad, why do they make packs of just one condom?" Dad says: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Then the boy asls: "So, why do they make packs of three?" And dad says: "Those are for the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Finally the boy asks: "Then why do they make packs of 12?" And dad tells him: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March..."