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It's Gonna Be One or the Other

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An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

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Now You'll Love Math Class

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, & pray you don't multiply.

And if your partner is really good she'll have no problem finding the root!

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."

Where Shall We Go?

My wife wanted to go on a pleasure trip.

I told her:  "Great, let's take your mother to the airport."

And that's when the fight started...