WTF?!

WTF?!

Sometimes life can be stranger than even some of our very own dick jokes. And in times like that all we can say is: "What the fuck?!" All these stories are true... they happened to real people. And we didn't even change the names. They deserve the recognition!

: Created: 10 May 2015; Hits: 3004

#WTF?! Shades of Lorena Bobbitt! Trying to slice his salami was truly the most unkindest cut of all. A woman pleaded guilty to assault with a deadly weapon and assault with great bodily injury after her husband said she attempted to cut off his penis with a pair of scissors.

: Created: 02 March 2017; Hits: 2781

#WTF?! Florida cops arrested a Mr. Toot for cocaine possession^1]. Kinda like a hooker named blowjob. What a hoot! And the guy has got a rap sheet as long as his nose. And his getaway vehicle? A Schwinn! They don't get much dumber than this guy... check it out!

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Black Listed

Three couples, one older, one middle-aged and one newlywed want to join a church club. So they go down to the church to meet with the pastor who is responsible for screening couples before they join. After the pastor tells them about all the benefits of joining, he explains that in order to qualify, they must refrain from having sex for one month. If they fail they would not be approved for membership. The three couples each agree and head on home.

A month later, the three couples return and and sit down again with the pastor. He asks the older couple if they had abstained from having sex. The older couple replied, "Oh yeah, no problem." and they are allowed to join.

Next the middle-aged couple were asked the same question and their reply was the same. So they too were approved for membership.

Finally the pastor asked the newlyweds the same question and the husband responded: "Well, it went great for a couple of weeks. But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on a shelf and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just couldn't stand it. That's when I said the hell with it and screwed her right there."

The pastor was shocked but said: "You realize that now you won't be allowed into the club."

The husband replied: "Oh that's okay, we're not allowed back into Safeway either!"

Things Aren't Always What They Appear To Be

The 10th grade biology teacher asked Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responded: "I'm too embarrassed to answer!"

So the teacher asked Little Johnny who quickly said: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And then turning back to Jessica, the teacher said: "I have three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

The Harder They Suck...

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.