A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Bingo!

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How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?

Put up a "Bingo" sign.

Warm Apple Pie

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What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?

You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

Mooooooo

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How do you turn a fox into a cow?

Marry her.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

You Go First

A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally had enough. She figured she would break him of that crazy habit. So one night, while they were right in the middle of a romantic session, she flipped on the lights.

To her shock she looked down and saw her husband was holding a giant dildo. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll explain the rubber dick if you explain the kids."

How Much Do You Want It?

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to tie the knot. But before the wedding they sat down to have a long conversation about how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, sharing the chores, family and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of the intimate side of their relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather hopefully.

"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," his bride to be responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

All Sinners Must Come And Confess

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.