How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
A microwave doesn't brown your meat!
How does one explain the miracle of Hanukkah to todays generation?
Tell them that it's like if they charged their smartphone to last for 1 day, but it ended up lasting 8 days!
How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?
Draw a dick on it.
