How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
How many Freudian psychaitrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis. Ladder! I meant ladder.
I was walking in the park the other day with my wife when she pointed to a young couple sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" she asked.
"Honey," I replied, "I don't even know that woman!"
And that's when the fight started...