What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."
Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box.
