A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

You, My One And Only

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The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.

On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."

By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.

Going Postal

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My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Not That Kind Of Table

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Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

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All I Need Is A Little LSD

A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"

His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"

No Tricks Here

What's a sure-fire way to give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares?

From Down Under

A 40-year old woman never married because she only wanted a man who had never been with a woman sexually. And as you might imagine she searched for years but never could find one. So she finally tried one of those International dating sites and sure enough met a man who had lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. After a long-distance online courtship, they finally decided to marry.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare herself for the long awaited moment. When she walks back into the bedroom she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, totally naked, and he has all the furniture piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks.

"I’ve never been with a woman," he tells her. "But if it’s anything like fucking a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!"