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PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Two Blondes Checking The Tracks

Created: 17 March 2015
Hits: 3044

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." The other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."

They argued and argued for a while. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Like Old Stinky Cheese

Created: 15 March 2015
Hits: 2949

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

Where Is The Nearest ATM?

Created: 08 March 2015
Hits: 3181

A plumber, an electrician, and an accountant walk into a strip club.

The electrician calls a blonde over, licks a ten-dollar bill and slaps it on her ass. Then the plumber licks a fifty-dollar bill and he too slaps it on her ass.

The accountant takes out his ATM card, swipes it in the crack of her ass, reaches over and grabs the sixty bucks.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Ask And You Shall Receive

Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.

One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"

The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."

The Miracle of Lights

What do you call 8 days of blowjobs by candlelight?

Honica Lewinsky.

How It's Done Down South

How does a redneck girl practice safe sex?

She locks the doors on her pickup truck.

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