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PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Two Blondes Checking The Tracks

Created: 17 March 2015
Hits: 2750

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." The other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."

They argued and argued for a while. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Like Old Stinky Cheese

Created: 15 March 2015
Hits: 2372

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

Where Is The Nearest ATM?

Created: 08 March 2015
Hits: 2523

A plumber, an electrician, and an accountant walk into a strip club.

The electrician calls a blonde over, licks a ten-dollar bill and slaps it on her ass. Then the plumber licks a fifty-dollar bill and he too slaps it on her ass.

The accountant takes out his ATM card, swipes it in the crack of her ass, reaches over and grabs the sixty bucks.

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Have You Upgraded To 4K?

At a party the other night I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "In HD" was not the best answer.

My Kind Of Rabbi!

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed.

He immediately picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."

The girl gets up to leave and starts to get dressed when the rabbi stops her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

Keep On Dreaming This Thanksgiving

What's a Turkeys favorite song?

"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

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