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Not Quite A Cure

Created: 25 August 2017
Hits: 2341

A doctor told his patient her test results came back and she had a rare disease with only 6 months to live.

"That's such a short amount of time." the woman begged, "Isn't there anything I can do?"

"Marry a lawyer," the doctor told her. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

First Door On The Left

Created: 23 August 2017
Hits: 2506

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."

Sign Of The Times

Created: 21 August 2017
Hits: 2287

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Can't Try It On First

A guy goes into a drug store to buy some condoms. The girl behind the counter asks, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up one finger and asks, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and asks, “That big?” He says, “Smaller.” She holds up two fingers and he says, “Yeah, that’s it.”

She sticks the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”

Ding Dong

The bell rings at a whorehouse.

The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"

He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"

Against The Code Of Ethics

A woman is in her doctor's office, when she suddenly shouts out, "Doctor, kiss me". The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.

About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once". Again he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.

Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor, "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!"

"Look" he says, "I'm sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you either."

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