Want to see flying saucers?
Head over to the all-night diner and grab the waitress by the ass.
A guy is at the funeral home viewing his wife's coffin with a sad look on his face. His friend walks up to comfort him and says: "Don't worry Harry, you'll meet another woman."
"I know," Harry replied, "but what am I going to do tonight?"
A man calls the doctor and is frantic, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
When do you know you've been married too long?
The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.
