Sign Of The Times

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo

Sign on the whorehouse door: Out to lunch. Beat it.