Every Frickin' Joke

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 719

Sally: "Let's play house."

Little Johnny: "What do I do?"

Sally: "Communicate your feelings."

Johnny: "How do I do that?"

Sally: "Perfect. You can be the husband!"

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 751

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 827

Mr. & Mrs. Johnson are at the bank when an armed robber bursts in. Realizing he forgot his mask, the robber makes everyone lie face down and warns them not to look him or he'll shoot.

Sure enough one stupid customer sneaks a look, and BAM! the robber shoots him on the spot. The robber then asks if anyone else had seen his face.

Johnson, continuing to gaze intently at the floor, shouts out "I think my wife got a glimpse."

And that's when the fight started...

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 769

Little Johnny is always being teased by the neighborhood toughs for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel, causing no amount of snickering and glee among the bullies.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, nice Mr. Johnson pulls him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd probably stop. Right now I'm up more than twenty bucks on those mooks!"

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 994

Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."

Wife: "My husband said that?"

"No, all the landscapers."

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 879

How can you tell if you're at a gay barbecue?

The hot dogs taste like shit.

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 727

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."

So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 1032

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train while his dad was cooking dinner. Johnny stops the train at the station and says, "All of you bastards who want to get off, you're here, so get the fuck off. And you dirt bags waiting to board, get your asses on now or we leave without you!"

"Little Johnny!" shouted his father. "I can't believe you are using that kind of language! You should be ashamed of yourself! Go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!"

So Little Johnny goes to his room and about an hour later he returns. Once again he starts playing with his toy train, only this time when he comes to the stop at the station he says, "All of you fine ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you've arrived at your destination, you may now exit the train. And all of you nice people who are are waiting to get on, welcome aboard! As for anyone who has a problem with the one hour delay, take it up with the asshole in the kitchen!"