A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

twitter facebook youtube 27330664 ml50x52

Every Frickin' Joke

Musings From George Burns

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2571

1st you forget names, then faces. Next it's pulling your zipper up, And finally you forget to pull it down.

Knew It Wouldn't Work

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2627

My wife suggested we go to a marriage counselor to work on our relationship. I said sure. We get there and the therapist asks me to tell how I felt.

I said: "I knew right from the beginning our marriage wouldn't work. I'm an Aquarius and she's a cunt."

And that's when the fight started...

Won't Be A Starving Artist Much Longer

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2672

Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."

Artist: "Great."

"Not really, he was your doctor."

More Than One Way To Please

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 3038

The masochist begs: "Beat me, beat me."

The sadist smiles and says: "Nooooo!"

Page 8 of 286

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Better Than Nothing

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?

There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning.

And The Moral of the Story Is...

One day the teacher asked the class to think of a story that has a moral that the class could learn something from. Little Suzy raised her hand to go first. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs in a basket, then put it in the back of the truck to drive to town and sell. One Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and landed on the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Next up was Little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but he could only grab a case of beer, a machine gun and his survival knife. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. He end up landing right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. So he pulled out his machine gun and managed to shoot 60 of them until he ran out of ammo! Then he pulled out his survival knife and killed 30 more. But the blade snapped off, so he had to kill the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Little Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

Until I Met A Boy Who Had No Hands

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves! 

Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.