Same Facts, Different Conclusion

Guy to his friend: "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes & no clothes to wear."

Friend tells him: "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."

Difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

An ironing board's legs are hard to open.

Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"