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Every Frickin' Joke

Who's Your Daddy?

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2992

Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try.

The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply came back "Fishing in Michigan."

The banker said "I knew this thing wouldn't work. My father's been dead for twenty years."

Johnson begged him "No.wait. Try asking in a different way."

So the banker tried "Where's my mother's husband?"

And bang the answer came back: "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

There's Only One Alternative

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2968

Guy tells his buddy: "I think I've become di-sexual."

Friend asks: "Di-sexual? What the hell is that?"

Guy says: "If I don't get me some pussy pretty soon... I'm gonna kill myself."

I'd Love To But...

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2538

My wife tried to goad me, "Our next door neighbor tells me her husband can make love to her 3X a day. Why can't you do that?"

I told her, "Because she always says, 'No, we might get caught.' "​

And that's when the fight started...

A Hobby For My Old Age

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2512

A doctor examining a little old man tells him, "You're suffering from exhaustion. How often do you have sex?"

​The old guy says, "Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday."

The doc says, "Well, that could be the problem. Maybe you should try eliminating Wednesdays."

The old guy replies, "I can't, Doc. That's the only night I go home."

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Change Your Focus

Farmer Brown has a group over to play poker. But little Johnny keeps running around the table, yelling out what cards everybody has. No matter what the farmer orders his kid to do, he keeps coming back and wrecking the game. Finally,one of the players says, "This ain't working. Let's get outta here."

Reverend Grayson says, "Hold on a minute," and leads little Johnny out of the room. A few minutes later he returns and then nothing... they never see the kid again. Farmer Brown asks, "Rev, what the heck'd you do to little Johnny?"

The Reverend answers, "I showed him how to jerk off."

Celebrate Good Times, Come On.

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband, “She’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”

Boring!

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.  

I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"

And that's when the fight started...