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Keep On Dreaming This Thanksgiving

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 27 November 2014
Hits: 2934

What's a Turkeys favorite song?

"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

A Happy Ending For Thanksgiving

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 27 November 2014
Hits: 3198

Here's how you can get the kids home for Thanksgiving.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "The kids will be coming for Thanksgiving and the'll be paying their own way."

This Time It's The Husband's Turn

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 27 November 2014
Hits: 2725

My wife seemed a little down in the dumps. So I offered her some advice: "Honey, cheer up. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things in life."

She looked at me and replied: "How do you think I've stuck with you?"

And that's when the fight started...

One Morning On The Farm

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 26 November 2014
Hits: 3170

One lazy morning a little farm boy is told to do his chores. He hates getting up early, so after he slops the hogs he angrily kicks one as he leaves. Then he feeds the chickens and kicks one on the way to the barn. Finally he milks the cow and before heading home he gives that cow one swift kick.

When he sits down at the breakfast table his mother says: "I've been watching you. You kicked the hog so no bacon for you. You kicked the chicken so no eggs for you. And you kicked the cow so no milk for you."

Just then his dad walks in from plowing the back forty and angrily kicks the cat out of the way. The little boy looks at his mom and says: "Should you tell him or should I."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Kosher for Passover

A husband sees his wife is getting ready to prepare for Passover. "This year I really want to help out." he tells her, "Whatever you need me to do, ask... I will do it." His wife tells him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the best thing you can do to help is to leave the house and let me get my work done without any interruptions." So the husband does exactly what she asks and leaves.

Three hours later his wife hears him come back in. She shouts, "I thought I told that the best way to help me would be to leave." He responds, "You expect me to help the whole day?"

And that's when the fight started...

What Rhymes With Hibernation?

It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes.

His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?"

He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!"

Nag Nag Nag

Jake the farmer has an incredibly nagging wife. One day he's out in the field, she brings his lunch to him, and then sits there and berates him while he's eating. Suddenly, the mule kicks up his back legs, smacking her in the head, and it kills her instantly.

At the wake, the minister notices that when a woman offers her sympathy, Jake nods his head up and down, but when a man comes up and speaks to him, he shakes his head from side to side. The minister says to Jake, "Why was it that you nod your head up and down to all the women and shake your head from side to side to all the men?"

Jake says, "The women all say how nice she looks, and how pretty her dress is. The men all say, Is that mule for sale?'"

 

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