How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
My wife seemed a little down in the dumps. So I offered her some advice: "Honey, cheer up. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things in life."
She looked at me and replied: "How do you think I've stuck with you?"
And that's when the fight started...
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
