Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English, and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.
Jenny raises her hand and says: "'toast' -- t o a s t." Bobby says: "my turn teacher 'eggs' -- e g g s." Little Johnny shouts out" "'fucking nothing' -- f u c k i n g n o t h i n g."
The teacher is furious and makes Little Johnny stand in the corner till the end of the English lesson.
The next class is geography. The teacher puts a map up and asks the class who knows where the Polish border lies.
Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says: "He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got fucking nothing for breakfast!"
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter replied.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
