What's a Turkeys favorite song?
"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
As soon as you see it coming you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
My wife was lying in bed a little dissatisfied with my performance when she asked: "What do my clitoris, our anniversary, and the fuckin' toilet have in common?" I said "You got me."
She said: "You miss them all."
And that's when the fight started...
A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"
He says, "I'm writing a prescription."
She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."
He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."