Dick Jokes
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What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
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Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."
The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"
The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"
The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."
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What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?
Slow.