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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

I Wanna Watch

Hits: 6985

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

The Doctor Has News For You!

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Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."

The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"

The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"

The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."

Not So Bon Vivant

Hits: 3397

What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?

Slow.

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Merry Christmas!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter replied.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's".

No Luck At All

I have the worst luck when it comes to scoring with chicks. Last night I got this cute little number back to my place and made my move with, "So you want to have sex?"

She said, "Well, I don't normally do this... but I think I'm gonna pass."

Walk Down The Aisle

Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?

Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.