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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

I Wanna Watch

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What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

The Doctor Has News For You!

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Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."

The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"

The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"

The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."

Not So Bon Vivant

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What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?

Slow.

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Shove It!

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.

Unforgettable

Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee. So they take a quick detour stop at a cemetery. Problem is they have nothing to wipe with. One decides to use her panties while the other grabs a nearby wreath.

The next day one of the husbands calls the other, "Those girls are are never going out again! My wife came home last night without any panties!"

His buddy replies, "You think that's bad? My wife came home with a card in her crack that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you!'"

And I Don't Mean The Stork

What two things can get a woman pregnant when they're in the air?

Her feet.