What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
What do cheerleaders say after sex?
"Thanks, guys!".
A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"
"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."
A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.
The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."
The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."