Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.
A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"
He says, "I'm writing a prescription."
She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."
He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
About three inches.
A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."
