Old Dick is no dope. Here's a piece of advice you should always follow: Whenever you have a one night stand, always use protection -- a fake name and a fake number.
A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory and tells his wife he was fired. She asks him what happened and he tells her "I got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer."
His wife replies "On no! Are you okay?"
The man says "Yeah I'm fine."
His wife replies "You're not hurt? Was the slicer turned on?"
I was furious when I found our joint checking account was empty. When I confronted my wife all she said was, "It's my turn." "What do you mean, your turn?" I shot back.
"In bed," she told me, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now... it's my turn."
