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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Now That'll Make Her Scream!

Hits: 3322

How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?

Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Gotta Stay In Business

Hits: 3457

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut

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One day two boys were walking through the woods when they came upon some rabbit shit. The first boy asked his friend: "What's that?"

"'They're smart pills," his friend told him. "Eat one and it'll make you smarter." So the boy popped one in his mouth and said: "Yech. This tastes like shit."

"See," said his friend, "you're getting smarter already."

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Pay Back Is A Bitch

I was furious when I found our joint checking account was empty. When I confronted my wife all she said was, "It's my turn." "What do you mean, your turn?" I shot back.

"In bed," she told me, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now... it's my turn."

And that's when the fight started...

Not the Same Old Routine

My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"

So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.