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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Now That'll Make Her Scream!

Hits: 3378

How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?

Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Gotta Stay In Business

Hits: 3513

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut

Hits: 3909

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they came upon some rabbit shit. The first boy asked his friend: "What's that?"

"'They're smart pills," his friend told him. "Eat one and it'll make you smarter." So the boy popped one in his mouth and said: "Yech. This tastes like shit."

"See," said his friend, "you're getting smarter already."

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Don't Need A Pen

What's the job application at Hooters?

They just hand you a bra and say: "Here, fill this out."

Love That New iWatch errr Apple Watch

A Marine fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks down at his new Apple Watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art Apple Watch, and I was just testing it.”

Intrigued, the woman inquires, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

Now she's really interested, so she says, “What’s it telling you now?” "Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The fighter pilot looks down again, taps his watch a couple of times then smiles and says, “Darnn! This thing’s an hour fast.” And that, my friends...Is confidence!

Depends on How You Like It

What's the difference between medium and rare?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.