How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
What should you do if your sister-in-law sits on your glasses & breaks them?
Take them off next time.
Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.
Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.
Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.
