How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liqour cabinet.