Good advice from old Dick Johnson: You gotta stick it out if your're gonna start young!
Why were there only two pallbearers at the homeless guy's funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.
I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."
"I do"
And that's when the fight started...
My wife and I were discussing the differences between men and women. She asked: "So what do you think the biggest difference is?"
I told her: "What comes to mind when I say I'd like to give you a facial!"
