Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.
A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Give me a double entendre."
So he gave it to her.
Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.
I came home last night with a half gallon of rocky road and asked my wife: "Want some ice cream?" So she responded: "How hard is it?" I told her with a wink: "As hard as my dick!"
She said: "Great, pour me some."
And that's when the fight started...
