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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Do You Swallow?

Hits: 3231

Why doesn't Chelsea have any brothers and sisters?

Monica swallowed them.

Make Sure It's Tight

Hits: 3039

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

Better Than A 5 Star Hotel!

Hits: 3272

What is the smallest hotel in the world?

A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

The Long And The Short Of It

Three guys are arguing about who has the longest dick, and they decide the only way to find out once and for all is to go to the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building and hang them over the side.

The first guy says, "Check it out. My pecker reaches down to the 68th floor." The second guy says, "That's nothing. This beauty's dangling down past the 34th floor."

They look over and see the third guy jumping up and down and back and forth. The first guy yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?" He says, "Dodgin' traffic."

The New Pet

A guy is just miserable.  So he decides to cheer himself up and get a pet. At the pet store the owner takes him in to the back and shows him a toothless hamster.

The guy looks at it and says: "That's the ugliest thing I ever saw."

The store owner says: "Maybe so, but it will give you the best blowjob you ever had."

So the guy tries it and it's fantastic. He buys the hamster and heads home.

When he gets there his wife sees the ugly little creature and says: "What the hell is that?"

The guy says: "Never mind. Just teach it to cook and then get the fuck out."

Probably Better To Believe In Santa

You know what happens when you stop believing in Santa Claus?

You start getting clothes for Christmas.