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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

I Wanna Put My Balls In It!

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How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?

Even the pool table has no balls.

What Are You Worried About?

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What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Some things last forever ... and some don't!

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What's the difference between love and herpes?

Love doesn't last forever.

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It Takes More Than One

After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"

Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."

And that's when the fight started...

Who Failed This Test

A woman wanted to see how her husband would react if she left him unexpectedly. So she writes him a note saying she is tired of him and doesn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the note, she puts it on the night stand in the bedroom and then climbs under the bed to hide until her husband gets home.

When he gets home that night, he sees the note on the night stand. After a few moments of silence, he picks up the pen and adds something at the bottom. Then he starts to get changed, whistling and singing and dancing around the room. He grabs his phone and dials a number. His wife listens from under the bed as he starts chatting away. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes. I'll see you in a bit. As for the old bag, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around and she split. Good riddance! I was wrong to have married her in the first place. I just wish you and me had met sooner. See you soon, honey!" Then he hangs up and walks out of the room.

In tears and very upset, the wife climbs out from under the bed and stumbles over to read what her unfaithful husband had written at the end of her note. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot! I am going out to pick up some beer."

It's Gonna Be A Good Year

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking good year.