What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"
And that's when the fight started...
Man talks dirty to a woman? That's sexual harassment.
Woman talks dirty to a man? That's $1.99 a minute.
What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?
Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.
