What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
My wife suggested we go to a marriage counselor to work on our relationship. I said sure. We get there and the therapist asks me to tell how I felt.
I said: "I knew right from the beginning our marriage wouldn't work. I'm an Aquarius and she's a cunt."
And that's when the fight started...
I love dating manicurists and hair stylists.
One does hand jobs, the other does blow jobs!
What did the guy say to his dick when he saw the girl he was about to fuck had genital warts?
"Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"