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Go Both Ways

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Old Dick is ambidextrous. Yep! I can swing a bat from both sides of the plate, & jerk off with both hands.

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Something Magical

I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

What A Horrible Life

Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!

Depends on Your Persepctive

My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.

I thought she was just shallow.