Go Both Ways

Old Dick is ambidextrous. Yep! I can swing a bat from both sides of the plate, & jerk off with both hands.

What's the definition of eternity?

The time between when you cum and when she leaves.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.