The receptionist calls the doctor into the waiting room in a panic: "Doctor, the patient you just treated died on his way out the door. What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Turn him around so it looks like he died on the way in."
A Marine fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks down at his new Apple Watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art Apple Watch, and I was just testing it.”
Intrigued, the woman inquires, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
Now she's really interested, so she says, “What’s it telling you now?” "Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The fighter pilot looks down again, taps his watch a couple of times then smiles and says, “Darnn! This thing’s an hour fast.” And that, my friends...Is confidence!