Why'd my wife cross the road?To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.
Little schoolgirl asks her mom: "Is it true that babies come out where boys put their wieners in?" "Yes, honey." her mom assures her.
"Won't that knock my teeth out?"
"By the Thanksgiving meal eveyone goes around the table saying what they are most thankful for, you know what I say?
I'm thankful I didn't get caught!"
