New Husband?

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

A blonde walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"

He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

Women are like parking spots. With all the good ones taken & nobody looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

If Gin makes you grin and Whiskey makes you frisky, what makes you pregnant?

Two highballs and a squirt.