What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
I have the worst luck when it comes to scoring with chicks. Last night I got this cute little number back to my place and made my move with, "So you want to have sex?"
She said, "Well, I don't normally do this... but I think I'm gonna pass."
Want to see flying saucers?
Head over to the all-night diner and grab the waitress by the ass.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.