Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.

I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."

And that's when the fight started...

A priest gets a flat tire fixed.

As the car's coming down on the lift, the priest says to the mechanic, "Are the lug nuts tight?"

The mechanic says, "Tight as a nun's cunt."

The priest says, "You better give them another turn."

I know that newspapers are losing out to the Internet, but think about it... how many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?

Easy! One Post, two Globes, and many Times. And I wouldn't mind a morning and an evening edition. Yeah... I like a woman who's into the hard news.

OK... I'm done.