Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean.

A good start.

Wife walks into the den & asks: "What's on the TV?"

I told her "Dust!"

And that's when the fight started...