Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Life is like a dick. Simple soft straight relaxed & hanging free.

Then a woman comes along & makes it hard.

How do they say "fuck you" in Hollywood?

Trust me.