Every Frickin' Joke

Single And Ready To Mingle

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 15 February 2015; Hits: 2661

This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...

I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.

You, My One And Only

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 3139

The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.

On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."

By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.

Going Postal

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 3033

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Not That Kind Of Table

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2628

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

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Good Advice

I'm feeling a bit more mature these days so I wasn't embarrassed walking into the drug store to buy condoms. That is, until the woman behind the counter advised me, 'Save your money -- buy a lottery ticket.'

Are Those Brand New Hardwood Floors?

How are women like hardwood floors?

You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Pay Back Is A Bitch

I was furious when I found our joint checking account was empty. When I confronted my wife all she said was, "It's my turn." "What do you mean, your turn?" I shot back.

"In bed," she told me, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now... it's my turn."

And that's when the fight started...