Every Frickin' Joke

Single And Ready To Mingle

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 15 February 2015; Hits: 2122

This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...

I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.

You, My One And Only

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2513

The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.

On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."

By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.

Going Postal

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2471

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Not That Kind Of Table

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2082

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

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A Question For Dad

A son asks his father: "What's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'."

His father thinks for a moment then says: "Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."

So he does and mom says: "You bet I would!" The boy reports back to his father but still doesn't understand.

So the father says: "Now, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."

Off he goes to ask his sister and her reply is: "Absolutely!"

Finally the boy goes back to his dad and says: "I think I get it pop. 'Potentially' we are sitting on two million dollars here... but in 'reality' we're living with a couple of whores."

Not Quite What You Think Johnny

The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."

Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."

Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."

She calls on Little Johnny in the back. "John?"

Little Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano."

Who Likes Flowers?

What's better than a rose on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.