Not That Kind Of Table

: Created: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2047

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Light My Fire

A guy's wife was totally letting herself go. So he tells her: "Your butt is getting huge. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" That night in bed, he tries to make a move on her and she totally shuts him down. "What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for just one little weenie?"

And that's when the fight started...

Take Your Medicine

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says: "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and tells him: "This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning the pharmacist finds the same guy waiting for him outside the store. The pharmacist asks: "What are you doing here so early? And how was your weekend?" The guy replies: "Quick, I need Ben-Gay for the pain." The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says: "Are you crazy, you can't put Ben-Gay down there. The skin is way too sensitive." The guy says: "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm." The pharmacist asks": "What?? What happened?" Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion." The pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what?"

"The girls never showed up!"

She Loved My Pickle!

A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory and tells his wife he was fired. She asks him what happened and he tells her "I got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer."

His wife replies "On no! Are you okay?"

The man says "Yeah I'm fine."

His wife replies "You're not hurt? Was the slicer turned on?"

The man says "Oh yeah, she loved it."