Not That Kind Of Table

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today."

She walks in and finds him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says.

"It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

Why is a pussy like the weather?

Because once it's wet, you know it's time to go inside.