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Never Take Candy From A Stranger

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 11 May 2015
Hits: 3674

A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey, little girl, want a lollipop?"

The girls says "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your dick."

Getting Off On My Floor?

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 10 May 2015
Hits: 3236

Two stock brokers are checking out a new secretary.

The first one says, "She's got nothing going on upstairs."

The second one says, "That wouldn't be the floor I'd be getting off on."

Come This Way

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 09 May 2015
Hits: 3721

A girl says to a salesman, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."

She says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need a fucking vibrator."

The Four Seasons

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 08 May 2015
Hits: 4002

A college kid is fucking an old lady. She says, "It may be Winter on top, but it's Summer in the furnace."

He says, "Yeah? Well, if you don't put a little Spring in your ass, we're gonna be here till Fall."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Name Game

What did the Jewish guy and his Chinese wife name their baby boy?

Ka Ching!

Read Him His Rights

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

So he shouts back: "Tits"

And What Do You Do?

A guy and his date were parked on lovers lane at the top of a hill overlooking the city. Just as he made his move the gal stopped him and said: “I really should've told you this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker. If you want to get laid tonight it'll cost you 30 bucks.” Reluctantly the guy forked over the money, then screwed her in the back seat.

When they got back in front the guy just sat in the driver’s seat staring out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” the girl asked. “Well," the guy said, "I should've mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver... and the fare back to town is $35.00!”

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