A nun came to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear confession. "Today Father Johnson told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then he opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" said Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."
The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"
The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"
The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."
