Every Frickin' Joke
Want A Spanking?
- Category: And that's when the fight started...
- Hits: 2953
My wife and I were discussing babies and she had a thought. "Why do doctors spank newborn babies?"
I told her: "To knock the dicks off the stupid ones."
And that's when the fight started...
Nag Nag Nag
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 3364
Jake the farmer has an incredibly nagging wife. One day he's out in the field, she brings his lunch to him, and then sits there and berates him while he's eating. Suddenly, the mule kicks up his back legs, smacking her in the head, and it kills her instantly.
At the wake, the minister notices that when a woman offers her sympathy, Jake nods his head up and down, but when a man comes up and speaks to him, he shakes his head from side to side. The minister says to Jake, "Why was it that you nod your head up and down to all the women and shake your head from side to side to all the men?"
Jake says, "The women all say how nice she looks, and how pretty her dress is. The men all say, Is that mule for sale?'"
Sometimes You Just Gotta F*ck It
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 3373
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. I'll give five hundred bucks to anybody who has an instrument that the octopus can't play."
A guy walks up with a guitar, the octopus takes it, and starts playing like Jimi Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie.
A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits it down, the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down with a confused look. The guy says, "Hah! You can't play it?"
The octopus looks at him and says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it."
Not The Man Of My Dreams
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2933
Mindi and Sylvia go to the zoo. A gorilla breaks out of his cage, grabs Sylvia, throws her down, rips off all her clothes, and fucks her. The zookeeper pulls the gorilla off, and takes poor Sylvia to the hospital.
A few days later, Mindi goes to visit her. She says, "So how you are feeling, Sylvia?"
Sylvia says, "So how should I feel? He doesn't call, he doesn't write..."
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