A guy goes into a drug store to buy some condoms. The girl behind the counter asks, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up one finger and asks, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and asks, “That big?” He says, “Smaller.” She holds up two fingers and he says, “Yeah, that’s it.”
She sticks the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
A manager hired a new secretary who was young, sweet and proper. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. As she left the room, she politely remarked, “Sir, did you know your barracks door is open?”
At first the boss didn't understand what she meant. But later he looked down and saw his open zipper. That's when he decided to have a little fun with his new hire. Calling her back in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you notice a soldier standing at attention?”
To which his secretary very smartly replied, “Why, no sir. All I saw was a disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Little Johnny was sitting and found him with his hand down his pants. She asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Little Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then," said the teacher, "You need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home."
A little while later, Johnny came back to the classroom and took his seat. When the teacher walked over she was shocked to see Little Johnny had his dick hanging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Little Johnny said, "The nurse called home, and my mommy said if I can stick it out till noon, she'll come and pick me up."
